


You Can Use Me

by LostInTheStanning



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempting to get ex back, Bad coping mechanisms, Eventual Fluff, Getting Together, Hyunwoo is an idiot, Kihyun is too much of a pushover, M/M, consented but unhealthy coping, pretend dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:26:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInTheStanning/pseuds/LostInTheStanning
Summary: Fake dating; an idea concocted out of stupidity and sheer desperation.Yoo Kihyun; desperate.Son Hyunwoo; stupid and desperate.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 97





	You Can Use Me

**Author's Note:**

> *DBZ Narrator voice*   
> Will this author ever focus on one thing? Will we finally see them get their shit together? Find out next time.

Kihyun wasn’t what Hyunwoo needed.

Oh they were best friends and knew everything about each other; but romantically? Kihyun had never been a candidate. He met Hyunwoo in middle school and by the time they were in high school they were best friends. It was strange seeing someone blossom in to a jock and the other taking an edgier route but still remaining close as ever. It was most likely during that time that Kihyun realized he didn’t feel only platonically for Hyunwoo. He made excuses up to himself and rolled with it. Hyunwoo always had such serious relationships whereas Kihyun’s were short or flings if anything. No one really stuck to Kihyun; they didn’t fully mesh. Hyunwoo didn’t mind he still supported his best friend. 

They reached college and Kihyun had a startling realization that he loved Hyunwoo. Was in love with Hyunwoo. Why now of all times?! It was probably because during their first year Hyunwoo began dating a male a lot like himself; sporty and handsome. Kihyun figured after a year they’d break up. But they didn’t. They were officially a year from graduating and they were still dating! It burned in Kihyun’s chest. And he had to pretend nothing was wrong every time he had to third wheel them. He went out a lot with Minhyuk and Hyungwon but even one night stands wasn’t doing much for him. Hyunwoo was painfully oblivious to Kihyun’s struggles and that also sucked. 

Kihyun had finally decided he was going to get over Hyunwoo. It wasn’t healthy letting yourself suffer so much. And that would have been great except the fates decided Kihyun needed to suffer one more time. Hyunwoo’s boyfriend broke up with him. And he needed Kihyun to get him back. 

————————————————————————

It was a really stupid idea. Truly. But Hyunwoo was so devastated that Kihyun couldn’t help but agree. According to Hyunwoo’s ex he was too boring. And Kihyun with all his piercings, dyed hair, and tight clothing was not boring. At least that was what Hyunwoo said. Which wasn’t true at all but the ex boyfriend didn’t know that. So Hyunwoo figured if he paraded around with Kihyun in a fake relationship his ex would see them together and somehow that would translate in to Hyunwoo being not boring. So Kihyun gets to suffer and Hyunwoo will potentially get his ex boyfriend back so Kihyun can suffer some more. Minhyuk told Kihyun he was stupid to agree and he couldn’t even deny that. 

Currently Kihyun brushed back his pink undercut while looking around trying to spot his tall friend. He nibbled on his lip ring that was situated smack in the middle of his bottom lip. His ears had multiple silver jewelry in them and reflected the sunlight every time he turned his head. He’d gone all out with black eyeliner and a highlighter on his cheek bones. He wore tight black ripped jeans and an overly large shirt that showed off his collarbones. Too bad he looked good for a fake boyfriend. The universe must be laughing at him. He sighed miserably as he checked his phone before a shadow loomed over him. He glanced up and caught sight of Hyunwoo standing there; grinning adorably. The taller male wore jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Far different from Kihyun. 

He noted his black hair was styled off his forehead and Kihyun internally sighed at his pain. “Ki!” Hyunwoo immediately enveloped him in a hug which wasn’t strange for their relationship either way. “Hey Hyunwoo.” He replied back with a small smile. The taller male grabbed his hand gently and tugged him along. “Class went over a bit, sorry I took so long” Hyunwoo’s warm voice did things to his insides, “Are you hungry?” Hyunwoo was peering around as he asked. “No I’m fine.” Kihyun replied since he couldn’t just shake his head. What was this the second or third time they pretended to be a couple in public? He wasn’t quite sure how much more his heart could take. Hyunwoo looked at him now with his brows furrowed, “Are you okay?” His concerned face made Kihyun feel guilty now. 

He plastered on his best smile at Hyunwoo, “I’m fine! I’m just practicing math problems in my head for a test tomorrow.” He could see Hyunwoo still studying him with a look that said he didn’t quite believe him but the older male finally nodded. They ended up getting food anyways. Kihyun even ordered just so he could share his food with Hyunwoo. They doted on each other like they always did. That’s why Minhyuk had thought they were dating in the beginning. Whenever Hyunwoo’s face got messy Kihyun would wipe it and Hyunwoo put some of his own food on Kihyun’s plate as well. They joked and laughed like always. And when Hyunwoo’s ex entered the restaurant, as it was conveniently the man’s favorite place, Hyunwoo upped the ante by wrapping an arm around Kihyun to hug him close to his side. 

Kihyun suffered through it all with a very practiced smile. 

————————————————————————

There were moments that confused Kihyun. Like why did Hyunwoo hold his hand when no one was around to see it? Why did he linger when they were supposed to be saying goodbye? Why did he sit so damn close when they watched tv together? In a place his ex wouldn’t even be. Why did he put his arm around Kihyun’s shoulder when they were just hanging out at a bar with their friends? A bar Hyunwoo’s ex had never been seen in to begin with? Kihyun had no answers to these questions and he didn’t plan on asking Hyunwoo either way. 

His resolve started to crack when at the end of a date Hyunwoo kissed him on the forehead. 

They’d been at this fake dating shit for two weeks when the universe decided Kihyun had enough. He was running late to meet Hyunwoo at a cafe so he had to scramble out of class like a bat out of hell. He still wore his usual jewelry and eye makeup; except this time he wore a large black oversized hoodie with his ripped jeans. It was comfortable and Kihyun could almost burrow in to the damn thing. He jumped off his bus once it arrived at the stop he needed and he set off at a brisk pace. He’d been fixing his pink hair when he noticed something. Something that caused that brisk pace to slow down to a crawl. 

Hyunwoo was standing outside of the cafe with his ex boyfriend. Whatever they were talking about looked kind of serious. Kihyun hid behind a building so he could peek around it without being seen. Had Hyunwoo even realized he was late? Kihyun kept watching as his heart began to pound. And then Hyunwoo’s ex reached a hand out to gently grab Hyunwoo’s. It felt like time stopped as the two males looked as if they were staring in to each other’s eyes. He couldn’t stand to watch anymore. So he carefully left his hiding spot and jogged down the sidewalk to a bus stop farther away. He considered texting Minhyuk or Hyungwon about what was happening. But he didn’t want to think. 

He didn’t want to remember Hyunwoo’s soft touches or the smell of his cologne. The sweet smiles and dumb jokes. So he simply called someone he’d sleep with from time to time. He was going to replace those gentle touches with harsh ones. 

————————————————————————

Kihyun was surprised he got home so quickly the next day. He was sore and tired. His chest felt like it was constricted. He’d achieved what he wanted he supposed. The bruises on his chest and bite marks told him so. He rubbed at his slightly bruised neck with a grimace. Everything hurt. He never understood why someone would want to be so rough during sex but maybe he was just too vanilla or something. He entered his dorm with a soft sigh. He’d been lucky to snag a room without a room mate this year. He had yet to look at his phone so as he slowly peeled off his clothes he pulled the device out. A few missed calls from Minhyuk with some texts. A text from Hyungwon. 

His eyes widened at the next notification. He had 9 missed calls from Hyunwoo and a bunch of text messages. Asking him where he was, what was going on, etc. Kihyun pinched the bridge of his nose as he finally replied back that he was fine. That was it. He chucked the phone on to his bed and went in to his small bathroom to shower. The hot water eased some of his aches for the time being and he was grateful for that. He slipped in to some shorts and another sweater when someone knocked loudly on his door. He froze for a moment wondering if it was Minhyuk. His friend would freak out at his state. But the knocking couldn’t be ignored forever. 

Kihyun sent up a prayer before unlocking his door and opening it. He expected Minhyuk but what he got was a worried looking Hyunwoo. “Jesus Ki where have you been?!” Hyunwoo said loudly. Kihyun studied him as he moved out of the way so the taller male could come in. “I was...busy.” Kihyun finally replied. He glanced at Hyunwoo and could see from his face that he noticed the bruises on his neck. “Ki did you sleep with that guy again? Instead of meeting me?” Hyunwoo asked it quietly and Kihyun wondered if he should lie. Instead he didn’t say anything he just watched as Hyunwoo got closer. The taller male examined his neck and abruptly pulled his hoodie up. Kihyun shivered at the sudden burst of cold on his skin and he heard Hyunwoo inhale loudly. 

“Why would you do this to yourself?” Hyunwoo asked with his brows furrowed even more. He’d get wrinkles at this rate. Kihyun stepped back out of his grasp so his hoodie would cover him again. He smoothed his hands over it and apparently took too long to think of a casual reply as Hyunwoo suddenly sounded frustrated. “Answer me at least!” The taller male ran a hand aggressively through his black hair. He studied his best friend with a frown before climbing on to his bed wearily, “It doesn’t matter Hyunwoo” He finally said, “I saw you with your ex or is it your boyfriend now? Congratulations.” Hyunwoo stared at Kihyun as if he were insane, “It does matter! You get hurt every time you see that guy!” Kihyun noted he didn’t say anything to his boyfriend comment. Why was that so upsetting? 

“It was consensual” Kihyun scooted back to sit against the wall enjoying the softness of his bed, “Don’t worry about it.” Was he being a bit waspish? He couldn’t tell anymore. He was so damn tired. “I am worried! I’m worried about you Kihyun!” Hyunwoo was louder this time but the taller male didn’t seem to notice or maybe he didn’t care. “Worry about yourself Hyunwoo” Kihyun suddenly snapped, “Worry about your boyfriend and stop worrying about me.” He scowled at the taller male before grabbing his phone. There was a strange tension in the room now. The air felt too thick. “I’ve always worried about you.” Hyunwoo muttered. Kihyun didn’t reply and he was finally graced with his door opening to let Hyunwoo out. He could tell the taller male hesitated but when Kihyun remained silent he cursed and shut the door behind himself. 

————————————————————————

Hyunwoo couldn’t understand Kihyun anymore. What had happened to his best friend that he seemed so far away now?! He was so frustrated with the pink haired male and worried sick. He hated when Kihyun would sleep with that guy. That guy that marked him up like he was nothing, like he shouldn’t be treated gently. He should be treated gently! Hyunwoo groaned loudly as he stomped away from Kihyun’s dorm. He had been so worried when Kihyun had never shown up. He’d waited at the cafe until his ex showed up. And maybe that was distracting enough that he didn’t see Kihyun? It was a possibility. His ex wanted to try again apparently. Hyunwoo had smiled when he’d mentioned it. And yet why was there a nagging in his brain that said he didn’t want this choice anymore. It made no sense. 

Holding hands with his ex wasn’t as thrilling as it used to be. Chatting with the male felt more like a chore. He remembered Kihyun’s soft, smaller hands in his. He remembered how exasperated his best friend would look at his jokes or how his cheeks would get so round with food. Hyunwoo had set out to get his ex boyfriend back but why did he feel so empty? Why did it feel like he made the wrong decision? He’d gotten what he wanted but suddenly he didn’t feel like he wanted it anymore. 

Even now as he met up with his not so ex boyfriend he was still stuck worrying about Kihyun. His boyfriend didn’t even notice that he was distracted he just blathered on about some sport team. Normally Hyunwoo could engage with him but he could only hear static when his boyfriend spoke. Like he was speaking another language. He struggled to even pay attention to the man as he checked his phone every few minutes hoping for a text from Kihyun. By now had it been any other time he’d have a bunch of texts from Kihyun asking if he ate or asking if his day was going well. Sometimes he’d send him a funny meme or tell him something funny from his day. They’d plan to meet up like they always did and everything would be as it should. 

But Kihyun never texted him. And Hyunwoo couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

————————————————————————

A week had gone by since the whole avoiding Hyunwoo began and Kihyun was miserable. Granted at least he wasn’t pretending to date the guy he was in love with but he missed his best friend. Usually by now they’d have a movie night or dinner together to relax from the week but not this time. According to Minhyuk, who was keeping tabs on Hyunwoo, the taller male looked just as miserable. Yet he had gotten what he wanted so why was he even miserable?! Hyunwoo had sent him texts and had called him but Kihyun could barely respond. He was afraid if he said too much then everything would end up coming out. 

Was it better to suffer in silence while still maintaining a poor excuse of a friendship? Well no but it was better than nothing at all. Even if Hyungwon had side eyed him for an hour. 

Currently Kihyun was standing outside of some packed nightclub smoking a cigarette. He’d let Minhyuk and Hyungwon drag him out there but he wasn’t having much fun. It didn’t help that Hyungwon and Minhyuk had their tongues down their boyfriends’ throats. He exhaled a cloud of smoke as he peered around. There was a lot of people out tonight by the look of it but everyone seemed to be in a positive mood. His eyes wandered until they landed on someone familiar. Hyunwoo stood with a group of rowdy, boisterous men who were clearly already drunk. Kihyun didn’t recognize most of them but it occurred to him that they were probably his boyfriend’s friends. He sighed miserably watching the tall male standing there with a slightly irritated expression. 

Kihyun snuffed his cigarette out deciding he wouldn’t punish himself tonight. He considered heading inside to tell his friends he was going but he could also text them. When he was in bed. Kihyun gave one last look over towards Hyunwoo to at least have a recent memory of him and was startled when their eyes met. They stared at one another unmoving. It felt like the world had slowly quieted down now as they looked at one another. Kihyun felt his chest clench and he turned abruptly on his heel. He was definitely not going to stand there like some pathetic moron. His feet carried him down the sidewalk and it took him a second to realize there were shoes pounding up behind him. “Ki! Wait!” Hyunwoo’s voice was very close now and Kihyun attempted to walk faster. To no avail.

“Kihyun!” Hyunwoo had reached him and grabbed his arm gently making him stop walking. “What the hell why didn’t you stop?” His best friend sounded mildly hurt with that question and he sighed quietly to himself before turning. “What’s going on Ki? Why are you avoiding me? What happened? I’m sorry for whatever I did.” Hyunwoo suddenly babbled and Kihyun felt a range of emotions from guilt to hurt. “Nothing happened okay? Leave it at that.” He replied finally with a frown and noticed Hyunwoo’s brows had furrowed. “I’m not leaving it at that what the fuck Ki” His friend appeared agitated now, “Why are you doing this to me?” Kihyun felt a wave of hot anger wash over himself suddenly and he didn’t get a chance to consider his words. “Doing this to you?! That’s the problem you only think about yourself!” He yelled startling Hyunwoo, “It’s always been about you, you never considered how I felt about anything! About how the last few weeks would affect me!” He was seething now. 

“What? What the hell are you talking about?! Affected you?” Hyunwoo looked irritated now but Kihyun could see hurt lingering underneath the anger. “Did you think we’d just go back to how we were?! That nothing would change?! You got what you wanted already Hyunwoo” Man Kihyun really needed a strong drink, “Just let me pick myself back up alone, stop doing all of this. You know I only agreed to help you because I-“ He froze completely when his brain caught up with his mouth. They stared at one another before Kihyun quickly tried to save himself, “I’m going home.” He turned again only for Hyunwoo to move in front of him, “Because why? Why Kihyun?” The taller male asked with his brows still furrowed. “Because I love you! You oblivious asshole! I tortured myself because I love you! Are you happy now? Do you feel better?!” Kihyun hissed the last part out now as his eyes watered. 

Hyunwoo was staring at him. Eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open. “Ki I-“ He watched as his best friend looked confused and felt his stomach drop. “Just don’t Hyunwoo.” Kihyun spoke softly and with a glance he moved around the taller male to moved quickly down the sidewalk. The lack of response and the fact that Hyunwoo wasn’t chasing after him made the tears finally fall down his cheeks. 

————————————————————————

Kihyun had never been more happy to be in his bed as he was now. He’d let his friends know he’d left and ignored their questions. It had been over an hour since Hyunwoo had confronted him and he stupidly spilled his feelings out on the sidewalk. His bed felt like a safe place far away from all the stress around him. He snuggled in to his blanket and was startled out of his sanctuary by a loud knocking on the door. Kihyun waited hoping whoever it was had the wrong room or thought he wasn’t there. But they pounded next which meant Kihyun needed to open the door before he got complaints against him. Scrambling out of bed he turned his lamp on and moved quickly to the door. “What!-“ He flung it open only to freeze for a second before collecting himself, “Do you want?” He finished quietly. 

Hyunwoo was standing there with puffy, red eyes. He looked miserable; exhausted and on the verge of a breakdown of some sort. Instead of answering he pushed his way inside the room, although it wasn’t hard considering Kihyun subconsciously moved out of the way anyways. Kihyun shut his door quietly behind Hyunwoo before slowly facing the taller male. “Hyunwoo what-“ He began asking the male what he was doing there but was interrupted. “No now is not your turn to talk! You got to talk now it’s my turn so be quiet!” Hyunwoo had never raised his voice at Kihyun in anger before and he found his mouth snapping shut at the outburst. “You’re right I did only think about myself” Hyunwoo began speaking quickly, “I thought I knew everything, that I understood everything” The taller male scowled now, “You said I got what I wanted right? I thought I did too but I was wrong, I didn’t get what I wanted. At least I realized after that it wasn’t what I wanted.” 

Hyunwoo began pacing now, “You know I’ve been so fucking oblivious to everything, I was content to just keep everything as it was” He paused for a moment, “But I just wanted to make sure you were there. As long as you were with me it was fine right? No no it wasn’t fine.” Hyunwoo exhaled quietly, “I love you. I’ve always loved you and I guess I convinced myself that I didn’t so I’d never have to lose you.” He laughed bitterly now as Kihyun stared at him, “When we were pretend dating it just felt right. I had almost forgot it wasn’t real until my ex spoke to me” At Kihyun’s expression he nodded, “Yes I broke up with him. You’re all I think about, you’re all I want. And I’m so sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry I made you suffer Ki, I really love you.” Kihyun watched as Hyunwoo looked away when his eyes began watering. 

It was quiet as Kihyun moved closer to Hyunwoo to guide him to sit on the bed. He gently sat by the taller male now. After a moment Kihyun spoke, “You know...you’re really hot when you’re bossy.” He heard the bark of a laugh that Hyunwoo did both in surprise and sadness, “Seriously Ki-“ Hyunwoo turned to reprimand Kihyun at his horrible timing but instead found Kihyun’s hands on his face with his lips pressed against Hyunwoo’s. The shorter male pressed himself closer as Hyunwoo’s brain finally caught up and he wrapped his arms around Kihyun. They were all lips and teeth, tasting one another exploring what they’d wanted so badly. Hyunwoo fell back on the bed and rolled them so he could comfortably trap Kihyun under him. He peered down at the smaller male with a soft smile, “I love you so much Kihyun.” He leaned down now to softly press his lips against Kihyun’s who sighed happily at the sensation. 

They stayed like that awhile; softly kissing each other. No rush in their movements. Hyunwoo paused to muzzle against Kihyun’s neck which made the shorter male giggle. The next few minutes found them almost wrapped around each other cuddling in the small bed. Hyunwoo kept kissing at whatever part of Kihyun he could reach, which was mostly the top of his head and his forehead. He couldn’t hide the smile on his face as Kihyun snuggled closer against him. All the stress, sadness, desperation, and fear from everything melted away for both of them. Hyunwoo moved back a little to make eye contact with Kihyun. He brushed his lips over his forehead again before murmuring “I’m so glad I have you Ki.” Kihyun smiled gently at Hyunwoo with obvious affection in his eyes. He wrapped his arms tighter around Hyunwoo to try to snuggle even closer. Both males felt happiness squeezing their chest as the love for one another was being translated by soft touches and kisses. Until Kihyun finally broke the happy silence. 

“And I have you.”


End file.
